my friend wants to make his brain into origami

 i guess that's kind of awkward. i see it as his brain just lying on... his MOM’S LIFE... (how could it do such a thing?) and so it gets turned into swan origami as some biblical punishment. 

i'm joking.

what i really meant was that the godforsaken brain would be laid out on some sort of wooden table in the middle of a hostel (my friend has an affinity for those) just waiting. and so my friend, brainless of course, decides to make it into origami. because really, only the brainless of society would decide to make anything into origami. 

 

 i didn't initially plan on this being a take on origami slander, but i guess i could roll with it. i think the worst part of it all would be the fact that you cant use tape. i think tape is one of the greats of office supplies. of life as we know it, honestly. there's always this overarching theme in civilization that tape can just solve any problem we can ever run into. i know there's no direct way tape can solve something like, say, divorce...

(have you ever noticed how divorce is quite literally the end of the world to people? you can be in the dungeon looking place from Saw awaiting, i don't know, death, and then the archery doll would wheel in and grumble sweet nothings to you

(no, not really. have u seen Saw?) 

he'd voice distort the fuck out of your sanity and say he was going to do "horrible things to you" and then lead into what his plans are. i am going to do terrible things to you people! he'd say. everyone would gasp and somehow gravitate toward DIVORCE of all things. "you're going to make us go through a divorce trial?! those things are expensive you know. we can't just annul? what about the kids. the alimony. have you seen my wife? that bitch is never going to remarry."

 

SMALL DOLL: I truly, truly do not get paid enough for this. (revs up very big chainsaw)

 i guess if you see divorce as a synonym for divide, then the guesses would be somewhat right. chainsaw. the separation of head and neck. tongue and cheek. (speaking of, Relient K's first album truly is pretty great. im sure a youth group wouldn't want to be shouted out in such a blog post but we really don't all get what we want). there are a lot of parenthesis going on here. we're currently in one now actually, if you forgot. i guess i could work on that).

...nonetheless though, i think tape could fix a divorce. not one of the head chopping variety, but perhaps the latter. see, i envision it as someone having just gotten served at their front door. they're in shock (for some reason anyway, considering this was a shock to no one. he's walked in on his husband with the neighbor plenty of times. and he himself had gambled their boat savings in one weekend ((perhaps for the best)). but since we all need to be shocked at the ending of any relationship: wow! who would've guessed! the happy couple!) in a moment of desperation he runs over to his kitchen and grabs a roll of duct tape. he then waits, and im sure how this ends is very much a given. man comes home. man ties man to a chair. man makes him retract the divorce proceedings. its very simple and i apologize if you expected a big twist in which he feeds his almost ex husband to sharks with a taped up broken fishing rod (since owning any new piece of aquatic equipment is out of the question for aforementioned reasons) i guess i just think tape should be reserved for salvable instances, since clearly being duct taped on a chair isn't the most effective mode of being a functional person. 

then again, if being rash is wrong, i don't want to be right!

i really need to revisit Saw really fast. i don't think it should be left as is. it's important, i promise:

SMALL USELESS DOLL: Hello useless members of society, I guess I'm here to make you guys pay

PERSON A, a stock broker: Okay, thats enough. Could you untie me? This is getting ridiculous. I didn't think I would be here all day. I would've paid for parking if I did. There's no need to get hasty.

SMALL DOLL: No, not parking. I meant for your sins or something. I didn't review the script. This is a fucking student film.

PERSON B, kidnapped out of bible study: I need my allergy medication.

PERSON A: (turning over to PERSON B) Hey, could you just lower it a couple notches? (turning back to SMALL DOLL) Listen guy, I have places to go. I'm almost closing on a house. My wife's pregnant. Could you please just tell me what tow company covers this area? Is it Citadel? Beach Tow? I could talk to my sister about it if you could kick the phone right there over to me--

PERSON B: I need my inhaler

PERSON A AND SMALL DOLL: Can you shut the fuck up?

PERSON A: Really could you kick the phone over to me it's been ringing for a while and it could be my prescription ready for pick up.

SMALL DOLL: I'm not kicking you the-- do you understand where the fuck you are right now? 

PERSON B: I don't feel so well

PERSON A: Well isn't that the truth! You look fucking terrible

SMALL DOLL: (laughing) You know, it's crazy this cold storage locker wouldn't make him feel comfortable. I actually booked it for comfort. The ad read "Cozy, Comfortable storage locker riddled blood stains! Minutes from City Center. Free parking. Must see." 

PERSON A: So there is free parking. What's wrong with you?

PERSON B: (falls over)

PERSON A: Seriously you look disgusting. 

SMALL DOLL: It's probably the bleeding artery

PERSON A: No man, look at this guy. He left the house in that. We can't make excuses for this train wreck. It stems farther than his jaundiced eyes. Speaking of, ever heard of eye drops? Buddy?

PERSON B: Please help me

PERSON A: Where'd they find this guy?

SMALL DOLL: No chance I could remember. They were the back up to the back up.

PERSON A: Back ups huh. What was I? I had to be first right.

SMALL  DOLL: No-- what the fuck? Why does that matter?

PERSON A: I'm in great shape. You had to notice. 

SMALL  DOLL: You are deadass here to get murdered  

PERSON A: Yeah shh shh I was first pick correct? You're kind of getting me aggravated man. It's like 90 degrees in here and you won't answer my questions. 

SD: I am planning on stabbing you 74 times. You are here so I can brew your blood and feed it to my elderly grandmother.

PA: You know what they called guys like you in the academy? Lassies.

SD: I am anticipating hanging your flesh on a clothes line. Why are you-- I'm sorry, did you say academy? I didn't get you from the academy

PA: So you remember where you got me

SD: Yes, but

PA: So you remember me and my

SD: You're a stock broker

PA: unmistakable brawn 

SD: There is no academy for stock brokers

PA: necessary in this competition

SD: Necessary in this... what do you think this is jack ass?

PA: Tryouts

SD: Tryouts for

PA: Wipeout

a gift: https://www.auditionsfree.com/tag/wipeout-casting/

i'm not in the state of mind to delve directly into what happens in my super anonymous personal life, although i do think it's a matter of time. all you need to know for now is this:

- i'm currently trying to graduate on time

- i'm in the process of officially owning a preowned Volkswagen Golf (that i love)

- i'm waiting for an order of CDs (packed with the likes of Neck Deep's The Peace and the Panic and Zeppelin's Led Zeppelin II alike)

-my days are extraordinarily numbered.

that's it on that for now! haha!

 i do want to throw in that if you happen to be reading this, remember to love everyone that loves you back. it's really meaningful if you really think about it. and if you ever find yourself not doing that, don't feel inclined to mutilate your brain. just regroup. play it by ear. life's got some pretty cool amenities, like trees and free parking after 6 in some places. you know people go crazy over that. and when you take that all into account, it's impossible to not feel inclined to love the hell out of this place. and everyone in it. you just have to keep an eye out for the right things.

in the end, i guess my friend shouldn't do anything crazy to his brain. assuming he does though, i guess everything fixable with tape. except origami. definitely not origami.

-emogirl633

oh, and here's what i was listening to the whole time:

 

I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5oY2oYKHFY

July - We Were Sharks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-Zhs7x4iOo

Can't Get Away - Third Eye Blind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EMzkt-dZNU

I So Hate Consequences - Relient K: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E41WK9-ZGIM

Vladimir Nabokov says to turn on red

on the drive to school today i started thinking about a couple things:

1. can any of us actually turn on red?

that was a JOKE. i know we can turn on red. in fact, i know we can do anything on red. text, continue forward, everything. the real question is what you're going to tell the family you murdered

what? you literally just murdered them. 

 i know, i know. you really wanted to get to Carrabba's in time for lunch. 

speaking of what do you usually order lol i know people rly hate the calamari which is weird since half the people there are ocean mammals. 

right? parking's always a hassle. 

has anyone ever told you blue's your color? sorry lol i just had to let you know

haha yeah i've been trying out some foreign face masks lately thanks for noticing. 

no yeah the police are so loopy sometimes! you'd think all the blood and screaming would forage some sort of reaction. 

 if you're not doing anything Friday i have a court hearing in the morning for-- YES this exact situation! family of 6, you know how it goes. 

 uh i think the kid is asking for her albuterol. 

 i know, asthma's lame.

how can you still not see them? they're lying right over there by the big wolf. 

oh, sure, now you can see them enough to step on the phone they were reaching for. now look at what you've gotten us into.

...given the gravity of the situation, i'm not sure what's appropriate. an all inclusive trip to Sandals? an Olive Garden gift card? i guess you could do jail time, but we all have work in the morning. they'll just have to understand.

2. okay, this one's really important

 i was considering saying something important here.

3. when white men were the most common readers and writers, what did that mean for the literary community?

this one is truly moderately concerning. what was their version of present day airport novels? the weird romance ones? you know what im talking about. would they stand around the well and converse about what a hunk Christoph Humphrey was when he wielded a sword to save you, the reader? you, the male reader? if it came down to female character to fall in love with, lets face it, they are more often than not extremely one dimensional. with a couple exceptions of course, including Elizabeth Bennet... wait that was written by Jane Austen, a woman... perhaps Jo March... nope she was also written by a woman... granted, im sure there are some respectable females written as non peripheral characters in books before the 19th century. but until we dive into some good old fashioned research, we have Lolita, and the message within Dolores being the book's namesake and, of course, symbolically reappearing as a disheveled housewife of sorts in the last few pages. thank goodness we do, because I was starting to feel a little too independent around here! perhaps the drawers need some dusting and the kitchen looks a little--...

the consensus i've reached, without any sort of deliberation, is that airport novels were very underground and sold by the likes of moonshine dealers. that, or the royals were really reading up a storm of broody and pecked out Magic Mikes. if these books were manufactured all the way back in medieval times it would explain a lot. starting with the book covers. jesters and photoshop are truly a combination that works.

3b. italics are very sultry

 i think this is really important. just take a look:

person a: calamari

person b: calamari

come on. ur completely seduced. 

- emogirl633 

oh, and here's what i was listening to this whole time:

I Want to Be Buried in Your Backyard - Nightmare Of You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1HctfS-H0M

Time We Had - The Mother Hips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBg5Nw8YsFc

 

***hey, before i go: i think "Lolita" is a really great book in terms of its writing quality and portrayal of an unreliable narrator. it's one of the first classics i ever read and therefore one of my favorites. i do also know of it's heavy set criticism, based on its heavy subject matter and portrayal of pedophilia, child fetishizing, grooming, kidnapping, statutory rape, etc. i agree with all of the criticism. i am no devils advocate. a hard to read book used by people with pedophilloic tendencies to get off should not have a devil's advocate. no matter the status the book undeniably holds among the literary community, it is by no means without questionability. the part in which Humbert finds Dolores after she ran away is pertinent to the development of Humbert's character and was a very strong depiction of child fetishization. i do understand the symbolism of that and of the whole book. while disgusting from a rational perspective, that was the character developed. my point in saying Dolores was discovered a shell of herself in the apartment Humbert finds her in works with the grueling change of perspective Humbert has. firstly, she has to be described the way she is way because this book is fully from Humbert's perspective. secondly, it staples the unmistakable dread the reader feels after reading an entire book of abuse toward Lolita just to reach an ending in which she is the one who has lost, with Humbert almost shrugging off his obsession with an otherwise still young Lolita. this is what i mean when i say the ending of Lolita portrayed Dolores as powerless, and the reasoning for the decision. it is 100% more profound than just a "disheveled housewife" seeing an old lover. Humbert is a sick individual and that was the point of the ending. that and the emotional toll the rest of the hundreds of pages took on the characters and the reader alike. please take the book as more of a vessel into a twisted mind than a work of a genius with a relatable and profound view on the world. ***

my geeky friend ate my golf club

 i'm here bc html is an htm-no for me. i tried doing the whole text edit thing and then i remembered i don't do. 

i got some advice from the creator of the original blog that ever existed, but it was a no go. he said there needed to be some sort of safety net for any issues that could be ran into.. 

(this all came after telling me to call my internet provider and ask for a domain. what kind of ship are u running here bud? u want me to call Frank Van Der Post? have you seen the guy? exactly. no one has. what am i supposed to say? "wud u spot me a domain, handsome?" what if i slip up? if he responded with "ofc, what's ur favorite thing about me Xx" and i said "your brown eyes" and he had no fucking eyes. we have absolutely no way of knowing if he has eyes) 

...so get a geeky smart friend he said. it's a pretty awkward situation if you think about it. geeks and i. if his technical advice was a no go, this part would be go, wait don't go. i thought the light was green. 

it was extraordinary baiting on his part. it's not like justin + i go way back. he wouldn't know the devastating consequences of me looking around for someone he's describing to help me out. but it's worth noting that those bridges are more than burned. if i went to register my newfound geek friend in the computersciencefriendregistry i would be met with a question:

"u can have a geek or a friend. pick one. please hold...

... yeah she's back...she says she wants a handout so she can make a website... yeah... no she doesn't seem to be out to get us... i know... no i won't let it happen again..."

 i don't think there'll ever be a day in which i'll be willing to indulge anyone on this, so i may just have to leave that there. there are certain rooms in a certain place a certain person attends that cannot be revisited. ever. and for now, that's the story so far.

 on the note of burnt bridges, out of all the things that actually matter in the world i find myself wondering how one specific *item in my room is doing. i lived in a room, as many do. and it burned one day. i hope your room never burns...

...not in an "i'm broken up about my room burning" kind of way. i just think that'd be awfully inconvenient, a fire.

everything burned (sort of an exaggeration on my part, but it seems lengthier for me to list out the specifics. so paint yourself the most morbid and alarming picture of a burnt room and roll with it. that's totally what my room looked like) except a random golf club that i got at goodwill. can you believe it? the stupid thing beat out my Lifehouse CD. it felt like the golf club thrived on the dread of the whole situation but then again of course it did.

 i know, i know, why'd i keep the thing? it's simple... responsibility. it had already been through so much. it's already a golf club. it already lives in a world of baseball bats. we already live in a world of baseball bats. 

the room's fine now i guess, i don't know. i don't live in it anymore. it's probably a gym or something now. hopefully the golf club saw its way out in the end.

so i guess we'll both be stuck at this address for a bit thanks to my inability to... make amends... use computers efficiently... among other things. so i guess i'll see you later 

-emogirl633 >:^)

*if you want to call it that

oh, and here's what i was listening to this whole time:

Big Vibe - Seaway: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1OQFkDvxzI

Reinventing Your Exit - Underoath: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOdfV1EjUgg